PC, PS3, Reviews, Xbox 360

Red Faction: Armageddon Mid-Game Thoughts

105 Comments 16 June 2011

With today’s media climate as it is, with Weiner bringing sexty back and Tracey Morgan speaking out against anybody not straight, it’s nice to play a video game that is exactly how it’s advertised.

For your viewing pleasure:

Now, did you see that big fucking spider thing pop up like three times? You get to drive that thing! And shoot people. It’s great. We also are pretty sure you saw the protagonist rebuilding a walkway with his left arm “forge nova.” You get to do that too!

Here’s how the game started out for us.  You know when you have just one thing to do? It happens about once or twice a year. Everything else is already done or can’t be started, and that leaves you with one measly little chore for the day. These are the days where you only have to put on pants for like, maybe, fifteen minutes? Then you go back to your pajamas and t-shirt as if annoyed that being dressed like a grown-up is more contagiously shitty than the black plague.

Well, that was yesterday for me. And my one thing was to put in some game time for RFA. And for the record, I didn’t start playing until about 4pm. I’m a lazy sloth at times.

I honestly think Volition coded crack into the game. I couldn’t put the controller down. Seriously, I completely forgot the Mavericks were playing the Heat in Game 5 of the NBA Championships. I’m a moderate NBA fan, but only because I like to watch theatrics of professional sports.  Then I didn’t even watch the end of the game where apparently Lebron James pulled a Chris Angel and vanished in the fourth quarter.

Now that the introduction is through, here’s the rest of my neural firings.

More Playtime
Creative deaths. Part of me wishes we could transplant the environmental deaths of Bulletstorm with absolutely everything else from Armageddon. Then we’d be all set. I hammered a guy into a twenty-foot gas tank only to watch him bounce off. I would have enjoyed the explosion.

Epic battles. One of the pleasant surprises of Armageddon is the sheer amount of killing that takes place in a short amount of time. Headshots are fun – but erasing twenty people from God’s red Mars in under five seconds dwarfts that.

Secrets. I know I sound like a fucking five year old just discovering the joys of bombable walls in the original Legend of Zelda, but I can’t deny I would spend hours blasting shit up that doesn’t make sense just for one minute of ecstasy of finding something buried.

Less Playtime
Asshole CO’s. Every CO in the game is a stereotypical Patton. Nobody can be right going against the commanding officer. It’s more than played out, and this seems to be the norm for FPS’s these days. Oh well, can’t have it all, can we?

Fatality sans blood. Armageddon doesn’t really employ blood, and that’s something we definitely want to see. It doesn’t need to be spurting out of every orifice…ok, it needs to be spurting out of every orifice.

Final review up by the end of the week – probably Saturday morning.

Features

It’s All About Control: Nintendo’s Wii U Controller Center of Attention

0 Comments 14 June 2011

It seems Nintendo is trying very hard to change the gaming industry once again. Recent coverage shows what we know so far of the Wii U (much more horsepower than the 360 or PS3). We also know that investors are not buying into it just yet. However, the secret is out. Nintendo is merging TV screen with controller. Holy shit.

At first, we didn’t think Nintendo knew their ass from their B Button on this one. But after watching the trailer, everything made more sense.

Considering the new controller looks like a cross between a Sega Dreamcast controller and an Olympic bodybuilder on steroids, we’re thinking that fucker must be a bear to handle. But that stands with the assumption that it’s supposed to be used like controllers of old. It’s clear that’s not the case anymore.

So if this thing is to coordinate flawlessly with the TV one second and then itself the next, it seems Nintendo is trying to erase the singular center of gravity that is the home entertainment center. Or broke-ass TV if that’s all you have.

Two questions arise from this destabilization of gravity. One, why look at a small screen when we all have wall mounted flat screens the size of small countries? And two, is this Nintendo’s back door into the tablet industry?

While the above trailer for the Wii U shows a man swapping from TV to controller to play Luigi’s Day Off, I can’t imagine too many times where that would actually happen. Maybe for children – but definitely not for adults. I will concede that I may be underestimating this function, but only if you’ll stipulate that in no point in the past calendar year would you have used the controller that way. If I actually got into that scenario, I’d probably shut off the game and grab my iPad. Or a beer.

As for the tablet industry, I think that concept is a stretch. Really, I do. But this could be one slick move by Nintendo to grab a piece of a very large pie. Sure, nobody associates Nintendo with the words PC, laptop, or tablet, but mobile gaming? Definitely. And what better way to jump into mobile gaming than already having the 3DS on shelves and generating something more tablet like?

You could comment that I’m out of my mind, and I may say you’re right. But I think Nintendo is finding bigger growth by entering into other markets over continued share of just one: the console industry.

Ultimately, I can’t imagine why this console wouldn’t succeed. The Wii kicked the shit out of 360 and PS3 sales, and that was when everybody was knocking the Wii for having shitty graphics. Now, imagine that same scenario in 2012, but with spectacular graphics.

Tell me how this console isn’t going to take off?

Guides

The Do’s and Don’ts Of Exercising

1 Comment 11 June 2011

If you’re like us, you can’t walk into a health club, see a guy in a cut-off shirt and nylon pants without thinking, “What a douche.” It’s all good to wear comfortable clothes when working out, but there is an ettiquite. And why follow exercise ettiquite? Because you don’t want to be a douche, do you? Continue Reading

PS3, Reviews, Xbox 360

L.A. Noire Mid-Game Thoughts

1 Comment 09 June 2011

Sexy. Sleek. Intentionally itself. L.A. Noire defines summer gaming. It let’s you explore another Rockstar universe, take down the bad guys, and look damn fine doing it. Continue Reading

PS3, Reviews, Xbox 360

L.A. Noire Initial Thoughts

1 Comment 07 June 2011

Technology, Intelligence, and balls for days can all be attributed to Rockstar’s summer release: L.A. Noire. Rockstar has turned its name into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Continue Reading