The first-person shooter genre seems to be paradoxically covering two very specific paths in the video game industry: the no-nonsense, wartime theme, or the guilty-pleasure theme with science fiction-y guns, environments, and armor.

Bulletstorm is the latter on every account.

But that’s good because Epic Games is not having an identity crisis with Bulletstorm. No, that was Crisis 2′s problem. The more the creator tells the audience that the work of art is real, the harder it is for the audience to accept that. Because for all the authority the creator has on the work of art’s intent, only the audience members themselves hold authoritative voice. And why not? We’re the ones along for the ride in our own world.

Which is why Bulletstorm works. At the outset of playing any new game for the first time, I have to go in with a clean slate. I may read some (p)reviews or watch some gameplay footage, but I refuse to let someone else’s words or thoughts pervade my experience. That’s too sacred of a ground to let someone trample on.

Just like when the majority of you loved Batman: Arkham Asylum and told me to fuck off (mostly my friends in real life). I’m glad you formed your own opinion – just as I’m glad you took time to read my own.

If Somethin’ Ain’t Dyin’, You Ain’t Tryin’
Your job as Grayson Hunt is to kill everything moves. And quite possibly the most refreshing aspect of Bulletstorm‘s combat mechanism is that it’s the exact opposite of Gears of War‘s duck and cover platform. You’re not encouraged to hide; you’re encouraged to slide. Slide forward, shoot a man in the throat, and then leash another into an electrical pole. And if that last sentence didn’t turn you on to this game, then you’re better off shopping for a new skirt.

New weapon technologies and ammunition are purchased via a point system, and the more creatively you can brutalize an enemy, the more points you get. The more points you score, the better off you are.

I took time listing my three favorite means of acquiring points thus far:

1. Sliding feet away from an enemy, head on, shooting him in the throat forcing him to drop his weapon and clutch his trachea, and then kicking him into a swarm of electric fire flies.

2. Leashing an enemy from about 50 feet away, shooting him in the balls (on accident – but it worked to my advantage), then running behind him and kicking him into a spiked gate.

3. Leashing an enemy into an explosive barrel. Sounds pretty tame compared to the first two, but still as fun.

Environmentally Sound
And by sound I mean loud. Playing Bulletstorm with normal sound levels is like watching someone almost get hit in the balls. The potential is there for great excitement, but in the end, nothing really happened. That’s why we recommend you pump up the volume.

Considering Epic Games isn’t going to produce a game where it’s just point and click, Epic poured the genius into making the environment nearly as passive as possible. It’s like they are telling us, “Go ahead and be creative, but you’re not going to get much help from us.” And that’s why about every three minutes I found myself saying, “What the hell did that to him!?” Then I spend the next three minutes emulating the earlier kill until something comes up and I say, “What the hell did that to him!?”

Why Playing This Game Before 10:00 am Is A Bad Idea
I walked out my door to grab my morning cup of coffee, and my first thought was to slide down the street, around a parked car, and right into the Starbucks. I even imagined having to shift my weight to maneuver around the Toyota. After realizing that wasn’t physically possible, I wondered if I could Leash-slam the Toyota. Oh man, it’s going to be a long day.