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Review: Dragon Age 2

4 Comments 29 March 2011

Can’t we get past all this mage against templar business? No? Ok, well then let’s just blow the whole place to hell.

Glitchoris BLUF (Bottom Line Up Front)

Like every great band that evolves with age, we have DA2 that has morphed into a tighter DNA strain. Except, some of the content squeezed out by the sequel is what left us in awe in Origins. However, Bioware’s DA2 is clearly the best story so far this year, especially in the Fantasy-RPG genre. Buy it, play it, and exploit it in later comparisons. Think of the Dragon Age series as Martin Scorsese films: it might take a while to win Game of the Year, but each installment is going to be a blockbuster in its own right. Continue Reading

PS3, Reviews, Xbox 360

Dragon Age 2 Mid-Game Thoughts

1 Comment 28 March 2011

DA2 is your ex-girlfriend’s hot roommate who you just bumped into at the neighborhood Starbucks. You talk a little bit, realize there’s a spark, then two nights later you are making out on your couch. Even if you really liked your ex-girlfriend when you were together, you somehow forgot what it’s like to be with a good kisser. Oh, and the night is not over yet…

PS3, Reviews, Xbox 360

Dragon Age 2 Initial Thoughts

1 Comment 26 March 2011

Prepare the blood splatters! Seriously. Kill a few darkspawn and apparently everybody looks like they stood shopside at a meat grinder. But that’s ok – because that’s why we play Dragon Age. It’s not all about the glory; sometimes it’s about the mass amount of blood flying through the air. How it doesn’t annoy the characters is beyond me – I think I’d be continually wiping the blood out of my eyes.

PS3, Reviews

Killzone 3 Initial Thoughts

2 Comments 21 March 2011

If Church from Red vs Blue taught us anything, it’s that in order to truly hate somebody, you must learn to hate them on a personal level. None of this stereotyping bullshit; we need to experience the individual interaction of external conflict. Killzone 3 pits ranking officer Narville against Rico Velasquez in a battle of authority versus code, respectively. Apparently everybody hates the shit out of Velasquez from the earlier installments, but Glitchoris has taken a liking to the gritty and oft-times go-fuck-yourself-ery of Rico. Continue Reading

PS3, Reviews, Uncategorized, Xbox 360

Review: Dead Space 2

3 Comments 14 March 2011

Dead Space 2 plays like the film Shutter Island - except Isaac Clarke isn’t tripping nearly the balls that Leonardo DiCaprio does.

Glitchoris BLUF (Bottom Line Up Front)

The game has its moments. The first thirty minutes inundate the player with perplexing shadowscapes, creepy-assed sounds, and freaky necromorphs. Then the last ten hours basically do the same thing. I recommend, in order to get the full effect, that you play in short bursts so that your short-term memory doesn’t help you in the pathways. Because if you sit and play for anything longer than about 20 minutes, the predictability overpowers the scare factor. Continue Reading

PS3, Reviews, Xbox 360

Dead Space 2 Mid-Game Thoughts

2 Comments 28 February 2011

Dead Space 2 resembles the woman in the room that just isn’t as hot as you really want her to be. Shallow? Yes. Honest? Yes. Would we still play her? Quite possibly. Continue Reading

PS3, Reviews, Xbox 360

Dead Space 2 Initial Thoughts

3 Comments 21 February 2011

I think Dead Space 2 is what Singularity was trying to do. Visceral Games just did it better. Much better.

Features, PS3, Reviews, Wii, Xbox 360

This Is What Happens When People Drop The Ball: Glitch Review: Black Ops

19 Comments 23 January 2011

Notice the ominous word Glitch before the titular word Review. Titular is a conjugation of the word title you sycophantic opportunists.

So I load up Call of Duty: Black Ops for m’360, play the first thirty minutes, then realize this jackass that I’m supposed to be protecting will not move forward. He just kind of stands there. So I blow some more people up. Still nothing. Then I just backtrack and kill everything that moves (including the prison inmates fighting with me). Nada. Continue Reading

Reviews, Xbox 360

Review: Fable 3

3 Comments 17 January 2011

Sigh.

Glitchoris BLUF (Bottom Line Up Front)

You will want to play Fable 3 for one of three very distinct reasons. One, you played the earlier two. Two, your friends played it and tolerated it. Or three, you don’t really know what the game is about. Let me qualify that last reason. Fable 3 is a fable with no moral. Continue Reading

Reviews, Sex, Xbox 360

Fable 3 Mid-Game Thoughts

3 Comments 15 January 2011

Fable 3 is playing like the twenty-two year old hottie at the town bar. She’s hot alright, but the moment you start analyzing the situation, you keep saying to yourself, “She’s just a kid…”