In a recent Health.com article, everyone’s favorite Cable News Network posted a shocking story on video games, and how they may affect your child’s attention span.  I’m not a betting man (I’m a drinking man – unless I’m in Vegas, then I’m a drinking-betting man), but If I was I’d bet that the author of this wonderful, not at all misleading article to be a “concerned mother”.  Why do I say that?  Forget the article itself – let’s start with the damn title.  Notice I italicized the word, “may”; CNN should have done the same thing, because the entire conclusion is that video games “may” lead to shorter attention spans later in life.  Second, the article is a slap to the face of those of us who believe that video games aren’t just for kids.  I’m 27 years old, and will be gaming in the grave if it’s technologically possible one hundred years from now (yes, I plan on living that long), so what about those of us who have bachelors and masters degrees, that still list gaming as their primary hobby?  Click below for more steam blowing and a link to the actual article.

Link: Study: Too many video games may sap attention span

Want more proof that the Concerned Mothers of America authored this bitch?  Check out the article’s main photo – the kids are playing regular old Xbox!  No one plays that shit any more, and this comes from the guy who thinks KOTOR is the greatest game ever created.  Wired controllers … shudder.

“AAP recommends that parents limit “screen time” to less than two hours per day.”

Screen time?  Seriously? Mom?  Is that you?

“Swing and his colleagues followed more than 1,300 children in the third, fourth, and fifth grades for a little over a year. The researchers asked both the kids and their parents to estimate how many hours per week the kids spent watching TV and playing video games, and they assessed the children’s attention spans by surveying their schoolteachers.”

Now that’s an awesome experiment – why in the world would you base your results on how well kids pay attention at school?  How about you throw another variable in there, like the quality of teaching – great teachers will keep their students engaged, regardless of how stale the subject matter is.  On top of that, I can guaran-damn-tee long before video games, a solid portion of each third, fourth, and fifth grade classes were off day dreaming, but then again, Health.com wasn’t around back then, so I guess we’ll never know.

How about we apply some common sense, like for example, that kids will pay attention when they want to.  Long division?  Not so much.  History class?  Yawn.  Gears of War 2?  Wait, what?  Little Johnny played through the entire single player campaign in one sitting?  You mean he didn’t drift off and get bored?  Wow – imagine that.

I remember when Ocarina of Time came out for my beloved Nintendo 64; I played that bitch all the way through in two sittings, and I would have done it in one if it weren’t for the ridonkulously unfair Water Temple.  In fact, I’d be willing to bet my life savings on the fact that every kid in America who got that game for Christmas spent their entire break playing that, and doing nothing else.

But what do I know?  I’m just a 27 year old, lifelong gamer, college graduate, and Marine officer.