Selecting this article title took some time.  The spectrum ran from How To Not Look Like A Douche At The Office to How to Look Good And Fuck Even Better.  But seeing as how we don’t want our site to be on Google for anything pornographic, I settled on How To Dress Professionally (If You’re A Gamer).

You see, most people go through their average work day in some form of long-sleeved, collared business attire.  Even if a shirt and tie is not required, the people who choose this ensemble do so to create an aura of professionalism and, at times, advantage.

However, a tie may prove more formal, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re better than the guy not wearing a tie.  In fact, a badly knotted tie looks about as on par as a drunk, 22 year-old townie screaming Journey karaoke at 3 am.

Everything about a person’s attire hints to their wardrobe aptitude.  Thin-souled shoes say you know what you’re doing.  Thick-souled shoes say you are on your way to re-enroll for your sophomore year of high school.  Ever work around a superior wearing brown shoes with a black belt?  Rest assured knowing that your boss hasn’t paid attention to anybody who makes over $30,000 in the financial industry.

The rules below are more like guidelines.  Remember, to each their own style.  Just follow these guidelines to look good and fuck even better because of it.

The Order

Syntax is paramount.  What you are about to read is not only counterintuitive, you may look like a damn fool if your woman catches you merely ten seconds into dressing. But that’s ok – because looking good is more important than your woman’s feelings.  Just kidding.

This order is for when you need to wear a shirt and tie – with modifications if you want to lose the tie.  We’ll drop some links for outside help with special sections like how to tie various knots depending on what type of collar you’re rocking.

Core – Socks and Shoes – Dress Shirt – Pants – Belt – Tie

The Core

Not just a horrible film starring Aaron Eckhart and Hilary Swank.  First, tuck your undershirt into your briefs or boxers.  This may feel weird, but if you’ve been tucking two layers between your pants and your underpants, then I say you’re the weird one.  If you’re wearing a tie, use a crew collar.  No tie?  V-neck is the way to go.  You don’t need the V-neck that goes halfway to your naval – just a normal V-neck is fine.

Socks

Your socks should match your belt, and they should never be a darker color than your pants.  Also, spend the extra money and buy over-the-calf socks.  You cannot afford to be in a meeting or restaurant and have your leg curlies popping out of your pants.  It’s not only unbecoming, it makes you look like you kept your socks from your fifth-grade Christmas pageant.

Shoes

Putting your shoes on before your pants helps you avoid wrinkling your pants and shirt when you bend over later on to tie them. Nobody enjoys spending $20 on dry cleaning to wrinkle your favorite dress shirt 30 seconds after you button it up.  While your shoes should match your belt as well, if you have the style and personality to pull off a varying color scheme, all the more power to you.

Also, stay away from flat-front dress shoes.  Especially if you prefer the pointy, flat-front shoes.  You know, the ones that extend about two inches past your toes.  Unless you are over forty and have the best salt-and-peppered hair style, you’re better off just passing for now.  Most dress shoes have some degree of a flat-front, but anything pronounced just screams late 90′s.

Dress Shirt

The color of the dress shirt sets the tone for your entire attire.  Typically speaking, the darker the color, the more informal the occasion.  Most suits will stick with the spectrum between white and light blue with some accompanying colors to add depth.  For example, a thin cranberry stripe with a couple light shades of blue, or a maybe even a salmon, orange-pink to go pop out of the black suit.

Guideline: the darker the shirt, the less opportunity to pull the tie off.  Also, black on black is not an exception; rather, a ballsy approach to pulling off the slim look.

Pants

First off, your pant leg should reach about an inch from the bottom of your heel.  Maybe a bit longer, but definitely not shorter.  Remember, floods didn’t work for Master Sergeant or New Orleans.

Secondly, flat front seems to be the only way to go these days.  Pleated fronts signal the inability to stop wearing clothes your mother bought you from Kohls.  And while Ron Burgundy may suggest the opposite, pleats conceal erections like trailer girls hide child abuse.

Tie

Up until this point, most of what you’ve read probably hasn’t been terribly new.  However, as stated earlier, how a man ties a tie says a lot about his ability to perform.  A solid knot shows intelligence, ability, and professionalism.  An erratic knot shows carelessness, lack of attention to detail, and bouts of epilepsy.

Brooks Brothers built a nice website displaying the most popular knots here.  While they don’t show the type of knot without a dimple, it’s a great resource.  And make sure the bottom of the tie hits in the range from the top to the bottom of the belt buckle.  A great knot with five extra inches of tie either way makes you look like a circus clown.

Also, remember to avoid these common pitfalls when wearing your tie.  First, never take it off and wear it as a headband.  Even if every other groomsman is doing it: don’t.  There’s no sense in looking like one of eight other douchebags when you can remain in good shape and leave with a better bridesmaid.

Belt (Or No Belt)

Current trends have people wearing belts only when the pants need them for support.  For any of you who shift weight easily or have recently either lost or gained a specific amount, the belt is the standard option.

Your belt should match your socks.  Also, the more formal the occasion, the more conservative belt you should choose.  Unless you are a protohipster out of Wicker Park in Chicago, you’ll struggle to pull off an edgy belt.  Don’t get this far and have your belt break the system.

It Pays To Look Good

If you haven’t noticed yet, this guide does not encourage you to spend money to look good; simply take what you currently wear and just wear it better.  If you need thinner souled shoes to pull it off, go grab a pair.  Want a new tie?  Buy a $30 tie on sale for $15, not a $15 tie for full price.  Especially for the younger crowd ready to join the work force or the fresh college faces looking to make a good impression, it always payes to look better.

Follow these guidelines so that you can pick out the office noob at your next day at work.