Yeah so I’m well aware that Mass Effect has been on store shelves for nearly seven months now, but let’s exercise some common sense shall we? How many people actually fucking read Glitchoris on a regular basis? Three? So who cares if I’m six months late. With that out of the way, if you’ve read some of my other articles around the Glitchoris Network (Retroade included), you’ll know that I have a Twilight-level man-crush with Bioware and everything they put out. The original Mass Effect? Outstanding, although I still rank the original KOTOR as their best game to date, with probably Baldur’s Gate numero dos as, well, numero dos. Getting back to Commander Shepard’s sequel, I originally picked this title up back in January when she was released, although I have to admit, God of War 3 cut into my ME2 time quite a bit. Having picked ME2 back up, and being asked to pop in the second disk, I figured there wasn’t a better time to serve up some mid-game thoughts.
Elevators?
In video games, movies, and even television, you rarely get to see characters do the unexciting stuff like take craps, drink water, or pay bills. In the epic movie Predator, I don’t think you ever see any of the characters take a sip of water, and they’re in a fucking jungle humping not-so-light weapons, and an assload of ammunition. The original Mass Effect threw the gaming world for a loop when it forced gamers to sit through elevator scenes. Everyone and their mothers lashed out at Bioware for this, directly and indirectly via the Interweb, and the developers listened: Mass Effect 2 is now elevator-less.
Now while I know damn-well that I’m in the minority for this, but I thought that was one of the coolest things about the original game because it injected that small piece of reality into a not-so real video game. Maybe (hopefully) in Mass Effect 3, Bioware will bring the elevator music back. One can hope, and by one I mean that I think I’m the only one for it.
Planet Mining vs Range Roving
The universe you could explore in the original ME was ginormous, and while ME2 is arguably bigger, it sure doesn’t feel that way because there’s no more planetary range roving. Now, you get to experience mining for minerals, which is about as fun as clipping your toenails (which is why I only do it about once every three months – if we had female readers before this, we don’t anymore). Now again, Bioware, I love you, but who in the world thought that this was a good idea? I’m seriously asking this because I’d rather lather myself up in honey and throw rocks at a hornets nest than mine fucking planets for minerals. That was a rather extreme analogy, I know; do hornets even like/make honey? Do I give a fuck? No to both – moving on.
Sex in Video Games
We here at Glitchoris.com are striving to cater to the true mature gamer, so talking about sex in video games shouldn’t make you feel uncomfortable. Mass Effect 2, with a mature rating, definitely has its moments, but at the very same time, still shows how fucking immature our community is when it comes to sex. If I had to count on my fingers how many times the camera specifically shifts to showcase Miranda or Jack’s (it’s a chick for those of you who haven’t played ME2) ass during a cut scene, I would need like five hands – hell, Goro couldn’t even fuckin do it. Overall yeah, Mass Effect 2 does play to the mature gamer, but countless scenes like that just prove that our industry still has a long ways to go.
On a completely awkard note, and this is a major spoiler to all of you who haven’t played ME2 yet, I just recently arrived on the planet Horizon with Miranda and Jack as my sidekicks (what an awesome threesome that would be). After kicking ass and fighting my way through the first phase, I ran into an old friend: Ashley. In the first Mass Effect, I violated every known military fraternization law by riding that chick into Pound Town (as an officer, it’s a HUGE no-no to hang out with enlisted personnel, let alone banging one!), and it was awesome, because it was fake. Well there she was, and just like in reality, she was pissed because I hadn’t called her, EVEN THOUGH I WAS FUCKING DEAD. After trying to explain that to her, that I couldn’t really use my cell phone from the grave, she still wouldn’t listen and told me to [expletive] myself. The best part? This happened while Miranda and Jack were standing right behind me. Bioware, I love you to death, but you really could have made this game even better than it is if you could have added some dialog to that situation, ie, Miranda and Jack’s response to it and how they probably would never put out after seeing that. Awkward moment, but an awesome one.
Overall Thoughts
Mass Effect 2, while in my opinion takes a little to get started, really is darker and cooler than the first installment (to quote a friend), which is really saying something. I wish ME2′s character importer would let you keep the level you attained from the first one, but the ridiculous amounts of storyline decisions that carried over from the first is nothing short of fucking epic; it makes me want to replay the first one with opposite decisions just to see how they play out in ME2.
Full review coming soon, right after Miranda does. Oh snap!
