Can’t believe someone took the time to write a guide about this? Well, don’t be. Because with so much marketing out these days spurning us to spend our hard earned (or easily gambled) cash on each new release, we’ve all blown money on a shitty game.

But there are ways to protect yourself from making a poor decision. Some of the steps are fairly straight forward and common sensical. And the rest are totally and completely straight forward and common sensical.

This list of steps is in no specific order, and if you skip around, the world won’t spontaneously blow up. Most likely.

Watch The Trailer
Even though the trailer probably won’t give you any fucking clue as to how the game will actually feel, play, or look like, it’s the opening glimpse of what the devs consider important. Don’t think a game is going to be dynamite because the trailer is awesome, and don’t think a game will suck because the trailer sucks. We are all eagerly awaiting for Dead Island to release, but if it plays like a remash of the Left For Dead series, then we’ll be more than disappointed. Which will lead to an increased budget in the areas of adult beverages and new controllers.

Trust Your Favorite Review Sites
For all the websites we frequent, only a few make the short list for followable content. And within that short list, we identify with an even smaller amount of writers and reviewers. Those writers must have done something to gain your trust – so heed their words.

Also, within their full reviews, make sure you focus on the last two paragraphs because that’s basically where the meat of the review is. This is why we give you the Glitchoris BLUF (Bottom Line Up Front), so you get our take immediately.

Another area within their review to focus on is the comments section. Now, I’ve stated before that I won’t let another person’s opinion about a game trump my own before I even experience the gameplay, but this is slightly different. Slightly.

The comments don’t negate the review; they simply offer more thoughts on the experience. The value of the comments doesn’t stem from the content per se, but the patterns involved within the larger scope. If a major review has 100 comments, and over half of them complain about a game-breaking glitch, then now you’ve learned from the review (albeit indirectly) something else you didn’t know before.

Now, this shouldn’t deter you. Mainly because maybe the game sold 5 million copies early and that many glitches within 5 million copies is bound to happen regardless. But it’s another piece of the puzzle.

Watch Gameplay Videos
And not minimized on YouTube. Watch it on something that does the video justice, and get a general feeling before you drop dough. This is probably something that you do even if you don’t even plan on buying or playing the game, and you’ll be the wiser for not skipping this process.

Check For Dealbreakers

You hear about these in forums, comments, and Facebook posts. Somebody bought the new game to play, and it broke their Xbox 360. Another person bought it for PS3, and it worked fine. This doesn’t really mean anything at all. In isolation, it looks like the 360 isn’t capable, but there are too many other variables. Maybe the person’s 360 has been in use for three solid years, and was due for a crash. Maybe the PS3 has had a total usage time of twenty hours in the past six months.

Be aware of online play. With the recent security hacks for Sony, we can only imagine people deciding on which console to buy leaned toward Microsoft. And we don’t blame them. I have a very close friend who is leaning that way for that exact reason.

Also, take a look at the controls, especially for first-person shooters. Bioshock 2 turned us off because we weren’t able to invert the y-axis (the equivalent of buying a new car that doesn’t go in reverse), and F.E.A.R. 2 used the bottom-right trigger button on the Dual Shock controller instead of the top-right shoulder button. Doesn’t read like a big deal, until you’ve realized that the last ten first-person shooters you’ve played all use the top-right shoulder button. Now it’s just unnatural. Like a closed Taco Bell after midnight.

Make The Decision
To buy or not to buy? If you’ve done all the leg work, the answer will already be made for you.

Playing a video game should not only be something fun to do, but something you should look forward to doing.  Daydreaming aside, a lot of the fun involving gaming stems from the anticipation of holding the controller or waiting to pull the trigger and complete another headshot.  But every now and then, even in the wake of many new releases, we struggle to find a game that really charges us.  Try one or more of the games below to get yourself out of that rut.

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For the three of you who follow Glitchoris regularly, you may have noticed how much I like quoting movies when I excrete prose through my fingertips.  If you would be so kind, I want you to close those tired eyes of yours and think of Office Space.  You smiled, didn’t you?  I want you to go back to that scene with Jennifer Aniston (okay, you smiled again, didn’t you – hey, hands up!), where she’s getting counseled by her manager at Chotchsky’s regarding the serious lack of flair on her uniform.  Do you remember what her manager said?  Let me help you out, if you don’t recall: “Listen Joanna, our customers can get a burger anywhere.  They come to Chotchsky’s, for the fun and the flair.”  Now the final step I’d like you to do is replace “burger” with “guides”, and Chotchsky’s for Glitchoris, and bam, you have our philosophy on guides.  Gamers can get guides for games everywhere, but they come to Glitchoris for the gaming lifestyle guides.  And of course for the flair.  Today’s guide: How to lose weight, fast, if you’re a gamer.  Hit the link below for mo’.

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I’m a man of my word. In response to my last post on WikiHow’s How to Get Your Girlfriend to Play Video Games, I promised I’d throw together a comprehensive guide on a much more important issue: How to Get a Girlfriend, If You’re a Gamer. You see, before you can try to fanoogle your girlfriend into playing video games, you actually need to have a girlfriend in the first place. That girl you kidnapped and have tied up in your garage; she doesn’t count, sorry. Like in your favorite scientific journal (I prefer Playboy), authors usually list their edumacational background to validate their arguments. For this guide, I intend to follow the same outline, so let’s take a lil gander at my credentials, shall we?

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