If you’re like us, you can’t walk into a health club, see a guy in a cut-off shirt and nylon pants without thinking, “What a douche.” It’s all good to wear comfortable clothes when working out, but there is an ettiquite. And why follow exercise ettiquite? Because you don’t want to be a douche, do you?

Getting the motivation to actually move our asses can be quite the challenge. It’s essentially the step in the day where we tell ourselves, “I actually have to put on pants for that.” But why go through all the trouble to make your physical body look shimmering and buff when you’re just going to show up at the health club looking like an idiot?

You dress to exercise the same way you dress to go out on a date. The clothes are different, but the theme is basically the same. If you don’t put any honest effort into your exercise attire, odds are you’ll show up on a date looking like you did in your fifth-grade picture on picture day: crispy hair, too big of a smile, and clothes that look ridiculous on you (and anyone else for that matter).

Do: Wear clothes that match. Stick to a minimal number of colors – more is not necessarily a bad thing, but if you’re competing against Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat – you’ve already lost. You can’t go wrong in black. White is alright, but the less the better. Remember, sweat will discolor white, but won’t do anything to black.

Don’t: Wear black and navy. They don’t match no matter how hard you try. Don’t wear accessories to make yourself look like you do this a lot. Even if you do work out in good routine, nobody really ever uses a sweatband or wristband to the point where they say to themselves after the workout, “I’m glad that sweatband stopped all that sweat.” Don’t wear cut-off shirts that show your nipples and chest. If you want a cut-off, that’s fine, but restrict it to the sleeves. Oh, and just remember: it’s hard to wear a cut-off t-shirt and not look like you’re trying to make the cover of Men’s Fitness magazine.

Do: Wear socks when you work out. And keep the socks to ankle or below. Even if you’re wearing pants. Black is not only the safest color, it’s also the most preferred. Let the white sox go to the neighborhood elders.

Don’t: Go sock-less. Don’t let your feet get funky – it’s bad hygiene.

Do: Wear running or training shoes. With many competitive brands these days (Nike, Adidas, Asics, New Balance, Saucony), you can find a decent pair of running shoes for about $50 on the low end. An old pair of shoes is fine – you’re not at the facility to sport new kicks every week. Just make sure they have enough padding to not do more hurt than help.

Don’t: Wear boots or sandals. You’re not fooling anyone. If you’re the kind that comes straight from the job site, pack a small workout bag with something to change into. Don’t be the guy that tracks mud across the floor and makes the employees sweep every five minutes.

Do: Listen to head phones at a reasonable level.

Don’t: Listen to head phones and broadcast your music to the rest of the facility. Just because you like rocking out to Judas Priest at 150 decibels, it doesn’t mean the attractive blonde next to you likes hearing it.

Do: Clean and wipe the equipment after use. No matter how much money you spent on sweat-protective gear, you are a human – and when you overheat – you sweat.

Don’t: Leave a puddle of sweat for the next person. It’s disgusting – and no matter how many karmic points you have built up in your favor – no worthwhile-woman is down with that. Although anything you can do to promote healthy living and a fetish at the same time is a double bonus.

Do: Shave your arm pits if you wear a cut-off or a tank top. It’s not flamboyant; it’s necessary. Everybody gets a certain amount of latitude when dressing to work out because we all have our preferences. But if you’re the hairy guy growing a forest – it’s time for a change. You know what – just do it anyways.

Don’t: Show everybody how much hair you have. We’re all a little self-conscious (even Kanye West was…), and you can help yourself by being less hairy where it’s ok to be less hairy. Remember, Teen Wolf didn’t get the girl. I haven’t seen that movie in twenty years, but I think it still holds.

Do: Keep quiet.

Don’t: Sing one-man karaoke with your headphones on. Nobody cares how good you think your voice is. The overarching theme here is to limit what you do that brings attention to yourself.

Do: Stretch before you workout.

Don’t: Stretch before you workout in the middle of the equipment or machines. If the gym space is limited, find a corner or an area best suited to get the fuck away from everybody else. Nothing says jackass quite the way someone stretching in the middle of an aisle does. “Here, let me walk around you because you’re an egotistical prick. Don’t get up – really. I’ll do all the work.”

Do: Let other people exercise uninterrupted. They are there to workout – and most likely are on a limited timetable.

Don’t: Distract others from their workout to satisfy your need for conversation. It’s ok to be polite and make small talk at times, or go in for the kill if you see the opening (this will take a few random run-ins at least). But the asshole will demand attention, and then let on like they don’t need it.

Do: Use normal vocabulary and everyday speech.

Don’t: Talk using physiological, anatomically correct language. Unless you’re the trainer. This is because, even if you’re right, most people won’t know the difference, and they’ll label you an douche. Like they should.

Do: Exercise and keep healthy.

Don’t: Be inactive. There’s no money in it.